i am moving my life to canada, in either two, or three weeks.

canada is red and white, without the mfing blues. hells yes (?)

i have made calculations, and even though i did not think that i owned much material possessions, i have figured out that it will take a very large handkerchief to contain all of it.

very large handkerchief, indeed.

moreover(!), the stick, which i am partial to, and had high hopes of utilizing for holding the handkerchief aloft, in its “bagged” form, which means i would be tying all four corners of the handkerchief to the end of the stick, i would be supporting the stick and handkerchief in a cantilever mechanism, anchoring with my fisted hand, and supporting with my shoulder, with the handkerchief and its contents bobbing and swaying, loose and easy, somewhere in the air behind me, and i would be whistling a tune, and perhaps three tunes, because canada is a long ways, but anyway, the stick might come to find that it is in grave danger, and that is the part of the sentence i intended to convey when i started off with “moreover”.

as i mentioned, i have made calculations, and now i am becoming of the opinion that my material possessions will require such a large handkerchief in order to contain them, that the handkerchief will not be able to be held aloft, meaning off’n the ground, which would leave me dragging the handkerchief bag along behind me, with my stick and skinny girl arms. the stick was not meant to drag or pull the handkerchief bag, because it was too busy thinking about cantilevering.

for this reason, i am requiring large and tall stilts. this solves problem number one, which was the problem about aloftness.

problem number two is weightyness, because my material possessions will maybe be a lot of pounds, or grams, or stone, or other weight of measure. problem number two will cause an undesireable stress in my stick. dig?

more specifically, there will be a large bending stress, due to gravity pulling on the handkerchief bag of material possessions, which in turn would be pulling on the tip of my stick. this is even amplified by the fact that i am using my stick as a cantilever. i asked a physicist, and he says that the handkerchief bag will make a “moment arm” on my stick, and that’s when i blushed.

problem number two cannot be solved by more stilts, unfortunately. i asked the physicist about that too.

problem number two will require a lot of effort, in order to speed up the rotation of the earth, which is the planet i will be walking to canada upon. speeding up the rotation of the earth will counter-act the force of gravity pulling downward, because faster spinning pushes you outwards and upwards. and that means that my stick will not get bent.

i am contracting halliburton to fashion my stilts, and i even told them to paint a phat lightning bolt along the sides. that’ll fucking rock.

but i will need help from everyone else on the planet for problem number two. i think that if all six billion of us were to start sprinting as fast as we could, westward, then our twelve billion foots will exert enough force on the planet earth to get it spinning faster and faster. unfortunately, i will not be able to join in, because i will be busy preparing my stick and my handkerchief sack, and besides i have to preserve all of my energies for my trek, which is a long trek.

so, please, all six billion of you, please stay tuned here, and i will let you know the date and time that you should all start running.

remember, westward. okay?

if you spell ‘savvy’ with four v’s, in my opinion it would mean “oh so very much more savvy”.

but if you spell ‘savvy’ with eight v’s, in my opinion you would be being ridiculous, and therefore somewhere on the opposite side from where savvy is, who would be looking down on you from its wall, shaking its head in disappointment, because savvy expected more of you, you fucking letdown.

Here is a photograph of a kitten.

It is not my kitten, and I have never even met this kitten, to be honest. That is unfortunate, because this kitten, judging by the photograph, which is perhaps not a weighty method for getting a sense of a kitten, but i digress, this kitten seems like a brilliant sort of kitten, whom, quite possibly, many other kittens would envy.

Again, judging from the photograph and only the photograph, which we’ve agreed is not the best way to go around accumulating evidence for a certain opinion, especially certain opinions on kittens, but anyway, judging from the photograph, this kitten may possibly hold some future secret, could invoke some slice of a thought or piece of wisdom which would lend itself to tethering the falling bits of universe together, in all its endless failing gravity without edges.

I know that seems like something very profound for something as simple and seemingly unimportant as a kitten, but this is the way it works. This is how the universe rolls, son. The things you would least expect come back to save you, in this life or the next one, at last at last.

And besides:, Awwww. What a cute lil kitten.

I am a sum of so much that i have sensed. And the sound that i’m hearing is only the soundOf the low spark of high heeled boys.

For a few years, my brain has not been steady, or steadfast. It gets sick when you churn it around. And so i would be left with vertigo, throwing up over the sides of boats, feeling ill in the backseats of automobiles, more and more sickly was me, more and more of the time.

I was not in the know, on where it could all come from.

I began to take iron supplements, for fear that i was anemic, but bloodtestings showed that i was not anemic, and iron supplements were not helping.

Anyways, when i got sick, i ditched coffee, which i was accustomed to drinking many cups of, on a daily basis. When i was sick, with something which was very much like plague and the black death, i was ingesting only soups and water and orange juice and vitamins.

And last weekend, Michael and Melissa came to Florida, and we went to Universal Islands of Adventure, and we rode upon the backs of countless rollercoasters, and everyone was happy to notice that i was never sick from the movements. More than anyone, i was a happy person. Being sick from rollercoasters would have surely caused me an additional anxi.

I think that it was caffeine junkie effects. Which caused me to be more heavy in anxiety, which i do not need to experience, because i am experienced enough with anxis,.

Rollercoasters and rockabilly.

I am trying to decide to not go back upon the iron bull of caffeines, because maybe i will seem healthier, or of additional vital substance.

Except that now i am exceedingly tired for a lot of the time that i am awake. Like now, for instance. I was sleeping at eight thirty last night, straight through the night, and i could have gone to bed at eight thirty again tonight. This is the part of me that is better off being eighty or ninety, which sometimes i think is also a percent, which is an additional anxi, so i had really better not touch a coffee, and even less because it is usually too hot to touch.

Today when we were out to lunch, “head over heels” by tears for fears began to play on the public announcing system, and allofasuddens i felt as if i were in a slow motion eighties movie scene, like a building of some sort of teenage intensities, of which there are several, and it became awkward, being in a slow motion movie scene, because i was expected to order food, and this cannot happen because there is no talking in slow motion eighties movie scenes.

Something happens and i’m head over heels, i guess. I never find out til i’m head over hee-eee-eels. Sort of.

It was all because of Donnie Darko, to be honest, which i sawr again last night, and which is always surreal enough to make me feel very surreal, which can be a lasting effect that sometimes i enjoy, because it is different from normal. Normal is too samey.

Michael and Melissa are returned to Rhode Island now. I will assume that they had had enough of me. Believe it or not, i am not exceedingly exciting to be around, because i am meant to be a peripheral, and not a foci. Plus, i was even quieter because i am always tired from lack of coffee, which i do not touch, ingest or inhale, except for this morning, when i had two cups, because i am not good at willpower, which will really turn out to bite me when i try crack cocaine for the first time, maybe.

I am supposed to move to Canada, soon, but i have been saying that forweeks. I don’t know if i can believe me, anymore. It has been weird, to feel like i am in transition for such a long time. I prefer fooling myself with fake transition than with fake monotonistics. Which are dreadful.

I am going to go and sleep now, because it is my new favourite way to spend my free time, which is great for people who would be jealous of me if i were wasting my time enjoying myself.

I am too tired to be bothered to think about what i would do if sleep was not an option, i would suppose, if i were not too sleepy to suppose, which i am. OH, bother.

Last Friday night I went to see a band with Michael and Melissa, because they were visiting Florida, and this band played in their backyard last June or May, because they had won a contest on the radio, because Michael always always always wins contests and items from the radio, for as long as he has lived, except once where he told me to keep calling the radio station, and he was the eighth caller and I was the ninth, so I won a VHS tape of “Meeting People Is Easy”, but anyway,

The band was Sasquatch and the Sick-a-Billy’s, and they are exceedingly difficult to describe, but what is important is that they seem to be a superbly fucked band which is straight out of 1956, and they all play their instruments very very well, and the singer is gruff and has his eyes rolled back in his head all of the time, and they played two Johnny Cash covers which were the best Johnny Cash covers I have heard, ever, and they also played their own songs, and they are not the style of music you think of when you think of me, but they were one of the better live bands I have seen, because they were a lot of fun to watch.

You should go see them.

Their website is here.

there is a sense that i have, and sometimes it has a geography, and can defend itself against when i doubt, it can hide, and remain convinced.

i have no name and no one knows me. tonight and some others. blcok, amnes-a. floors or depths. or?

i have been stricken with fevers and spells over the last day and a half. it is a punishment from a deity. how these fevers are impressive, is how if i curl into a ball, i will not feel nauseous and my core temperature will reach 310.9 degrees kelvin.

i went to work, but i guess i should not have. i could not obtain ambitions. and also i was craving a position of being curled into a ball and reaching 310.9 degrees kelvin.

i would have settled for 310.15 degrees kelvin.

because in general, fevers do not feel too bad, except for getting up and locomoting, which should not be recommended, in my opinion.

like for the last hour, i had the stereo playing landing songs and i had tuned into a muted dinosaur program on the science channel. it’s about allosaurs. they are carnivores, and they sound like space.

i could never be a carnivore if i had to stalk and hunt creatures. i would be a green green vegetarian if that became the rule.

unless i could use a gun. then i might still be able to be a carnivore. i just don’t want to have to take an animal down with my teeth, and even have to tear out chunks of meat after i did that. this would be too much carnivore. more carnivore than i could handle. i do not trust my dental works that much, and plus i have a feeling that the animal that i would have to attack with my teeth might get scared, and i cannot bear the thought of a scared animal.

i hope that we will find a way to keep my omnivorism going exactly the way that it is, because i am partial to it. and i do like ingesting inanimate pieces of meat sometimes.

i am glad that asparagus is not scared of its fate.

By the way, please treat yourself to a block of Dofino Havarti cheese, and enjoy along with a sixpack of Carlsberg or Tuborg beer.

And buy your kids some Legos to play with. In fact, if your kid does not already have some Legos to play with, then you are most probably a terrible parent.

Buy Danish! You may also buy danishes, but that will not really help very much.

Visit Århus!

Why so sensitive, Islam? Do you have an inferiority complex? Such a sickening fucking temper, Islam. It’s a disgrace.

If you feel threatened by a cartoonist, you need to take a few steps back.

Way back.

I am officially unsympathetic. Kill me, why doncha?.

I’d say that Christianity may have been the more brutal and terrible faith, historically, but you’re most definitely on the fast track, Islam, you insipid sociopath.

Blasphemy is a right, even if it is in poor taste sometimes. Blasphemy plays no favorites. Christian and Jewish figures are victimized by blasphemy on a regular basis, yet it doesn’t seem like there is as much of a tendency to burn buildings or murder people.

You have awoken the sleeping viking, Islam. Don’t come clamouring to everyone else when you see those dragon head ships roll up onto your beach. You think you like cutting off heads?

Say hello to Björn. He is sensitive, too.

Know what? If me AND Denmark AND Norway AND the Netherlands all have a problem with you, then you are most probably an abomination.

Here is one of the pictures that started all of the fussing:

Ill-advised, maybe. But more and more, not so invalid. More and more, Muhammed is lost on modern Islam.

The world is on its path. Nothing will be sacred. Islam is no exception, punk ass. Maybe it’s a shame, but seems like it’s also a necessity.

Islamophobia grows, it is true.

“Who offends Islam more? A foreigner who endeavors to draw the prophet as described by his followers in the world, or a Muslim with an explosive belt who commits suicide in a wedding party in Amman or elsewhere?” – Jihad Momeni

May blasphemous cartoons be drawn in unquenchable numbers, in daily newspapers around the world. May they incite an implosion. Polarize moderates! Temper extremists!

Don’t forget, kids! Religion is poison! Atheism is poison!

Agnosticism is the only true path!

Flaunt thy ignorance! Bow to Agnost!

this will be a fiction, about a magical manhole cover. it is a normal looking manhole cover, just like the ones out in the street that you don’t pay attentions to. like this:

just what exactly is magical about the manhole cover, i am not yet fully privy to. or privy of. (however one goes about prepositioning a priv.)

i have not developed my fiction to that degree, yet.

very possibly, it will look much different when viewed in other bands of the electromagnetic spectrum. maybe like this:

also very possibly it would be a magical portal into a fantastic parallel-universe-ish underground wastewater collection grid, which would not smell, because of all of the non-toxic febreze that would be flowing through the channels, which would still be made out of bricks or asphalt. or whatever wastewater collection channels are made out of in our own world.

and there would be a kingdom of brilliant rodents. yeah! and it would be just like watership down, except with rats, and in the sewer instead of on a warren in the English countryside. and there could be a rebellion, and the good guys could find these four turtles, who have fallen through the magical manhole portal from our world, and they would become highly skilled at using antiquated japanese weaponry!

hold on..

wait..

this is dumb. a magical manhole is a dumb fiction. i can do a better fiction than that, i think. besides, “manhole” will become a big joke for all of the people with dirty minds. the phonies who never think about anything but carnal sexual stuff, and filth and things. those rotten bastards. it was never my idea to call a manhole a manhole. i think that a “wastewater system access cover” would have been a wiser choice, but we’ve got what we’ve got, right? fuck…

anyway, this won’t work. shit. i’m sorry. what a waste.

i’m sorry.