this afternoon was the first time that something unexpected happened in the last eight months.

the unexpected thing was that a lizard was on my windshield, for the drive back to the office, from lunch. peter and dave were in the car with me, observing everything that i observed. i was driving. and observing.

we had enjoyed our sandwiches, we had bitched about work as we ate, we were walking back to the car, everything was normal and boring.

but as i backed the car out of its parking space, and disengaged reverse and engaged drive, we noticed that a lizard was sitting on the drivers side windshield wiper. it was giving me an evil eye, because i was disturbing it.

i did not appreciate the evil eye, especially from some non-mammalian piece of shit honkey. that fucker was going to pay.

i was tempted to activate the wipers, and make a very quick end to the stand-off, but then i thought better of it, and i glared back at the lizard’s evil eye as i began to accelerate.

that is when the lizard’s eyes got wide and i think he may have shitted.

i was driving fast down the road, and the lizard began peeling up the windshield towards the roof, because of his proximity to the surface of the aerodynamics action, which his tiny little lizard frame was attempting to withstand.

inside the car, we were hollering and making jokes: “hang on! you’ll make it! just hang on, for christ’s sake hang on!”

stupid bastard lizard, giving me the evil eye.

the lizard was three-quarters of the way up the windshield, and the wind was about to rip its grip away, and send him rolling back along the roof and then he would have dropped onto the road, and he would have been pulverized by traffic, simultaneously becoming one with the asphalt and the rubber tire, simultaneously i says, but then there was a stop light.

the lizard ran back to take its place behind a windshield wiper. it gulped and collected itself. it was no longer giving me an evil eye, and actually its eyes were closed. the lizard looked more scared than i have ever seen a lizard look ever before.

i began to take pity upon the lizard.

plus, we knew that the lizard was never going to see its family or friends again, because we were driving a long way through suburbs, which are dastardly.

eventually we arrived at our workplace, and exited the car, and we assessed the lizards condition. it seemed to be petrified and exhausted. i thought about taking the lizard by the tail and placing him into the grass, but i thought it might be the needle in the haystack that broke the camels back and gave the lizard an attack of the heart, which was probably less than a millimeter long, if lizards even have hearts, and i think they do, except that it has been a long time since biology class.

we left the lizard to himself and went back to work. when i came back out to go home, the lizard had left a note.

it said: “that’s just the way my eyes are, dumbass. they have no articulation, beyond opening and shutting.”

well, they sure looked evil to me, but maybe that says a lot about the hang-ups i never thought i had, about other species and things. maybe i am not the open-minded and colorblind folk that i thought that i was.

maybe it is my eyes, that are evil.

hmm, i said.

i thought that hurricanes were supposed to be tropical monsters, but

by four o’clock the skies were blue, there was a breeze, it was sixty degrees. i almost fell in love with the world.

i ran twice around the lake, like i usually do, except i did not sweat, because it was sixty degrees.

there were no nasty geckos running around, because it was sixty degrees.

ditto, bugs.

the nauxious smells of the city were lessened, because it was sixty degrees.

everyone was out in the parks, walking their dogs and babies and jackets.

i had a dumb smile on my face. i was reveling in sixty degrees with sunny blue skies and some breezes. i almost got sentimental. i almost developed crushes. i almost said hi to strangers. i almost petted wandering dogs.

in my heaven, it is sixty degrees all of the time. it is never not sixty degrees. sixty degrees is what it is, always. there is no place on the earth that even stays close to sixty degrees all of the time.

that is such bullshit. but i will try to keep a positive about this.

a hurricane just delivered one day of autumn. it was my first autumn day in longs of time. that was sweet of wilma.

but what wasnt sweet was the thing about the mayan riviera. i was sorry to hear about playa del carmen.

—

i have listened to nothing but bob dylan for many many days. i guess this is the sort of mood you have when nothing else quite fits. that is very unusual for me.

i have nasty shin splints. i think i am moving my legs incorrectly.

apparently, there is a hurricane on the way. i havent really noticed.

everyone keeps asking me when i plan to evacuate, when i am procuring bottled water and canned goods, how many trees are at how many of my windows, am i worried, why always on the weekends, la la la, dee da dee dum.

let it get to within three hundred goddamn miles first, aight? it’s going eight miles per fucking hour, for christs sake.

then, i can decide what i will do.

if this thing tracks for orlando, then i will take twenty minutes to get precious things within my nin hundred square feet off of the floor, up on shelves and in cabinets, then i will pack a bag, make a sandwich and drive north. twenty minutes of preparation and i can leave for three months, if i need to.

stop jabbering! figure it out, homeowner! realize that i have no real estate on the line! i am indifferent to the wiping out of the state, if it comes to this! i can fit my necessities in the backseat, on my way the fuck out of dodge!

god!

there are lots of reasons not to live in florida. one more is hurricanes, and one after that is impending victim mentality.

it’s going to be white sox and astros. i will pick the white sox.

rest assured, some day i am going farther away, to rest, to unwind my spine my twisted back, of ribs and curled expectations, to weep leviathan, like dragons might try, tempered, canvassing their eternal wicked fires, hot inside skeletons unmeasurable, heat like we might try to harness, so much younger, untired, scrambling, limitless, for all we know, romeo has something to say, would have been worth saying, if only a million would listen, then there would be nothing to be ashamed of, some swallowing the facts in spite of the ideals, growed enough to get over the nonsense, be fair, what should be enough, rest assured,

hiccups and hiccups an hiccups

a swallow of water, upside down,

and then the humming, the black magic, the displacement, the unknown.

visions come, and visions they done gone.

(if you read youll judge)

it is a purple stitch
holding royal heart to
penitent
sleeve.

if you listen to it knowing that they are modest mouse songs, then of course they sound edgeless and emasculated.

they are excellent if you forget that they are modest mouse songs.

sun kil moon is mark kozelek was red house painters, we have our softspots.

i am not an philosopher, with my quill or
gooseneck desk lamp
i am not loved for me mind
(or bodies
or style
and not even my standoffish
natures)
unexpressed via speech
i would ask if my lips were gates
whose posts dug beneath the
sands of the sahara
or one of many deserts
short on breath
longing to remind us
of ten thousand years ago
as if green and wet
were the only fortunes
worthing envy

who knows.

on friday night me & ken went to the social, because acid mothers temple was playing. they played the same the same groove over and over again for thirty minutes while the guitar soloist just made insane runs up and down his fretboard. it was awesome. i was deaf. i am serious.

that’s the way it is.

acid mothers temple are from japan, and they are the shadiest japanese dudes i have ever seen. usually, if i were to pass by some japanese folks in a dark alley, i would not be scared. but these guys…

a band called ‘the occasion’ opened. they are one of my new favorites. i am unable to compare them to anyone else, except that they did have spooky tape loops like the black heart procession, who we miss like no tomorrow. anyway, they alternated between spooky and groovy and trippy and flooring, and the bass player even got worked up enough to smash his instrument into the stage, over and over and over again, before going away. it was the only genuine smashing of instruments i have ever seen, because i never saw nirvana. except on television.

the concert was filled with sharply dressed hipsters, and girls in dresses. i have no clue.

that is it for the show. ken wants to get together to play guitars. i told him to give me ten more years, because i only know chords C, A, Am, G, E, Em, F, D, Dm, and some susses and adds, but he said that’s good enough.

on saturday i went with mike and his wife and three of his wife’s friends to epcot center. it was the first time i have ever been to an orlando attraction. it was expensive as fuck. sixty dollars to get in, and outrageous prices on food and bevvies. luckily, i have the ability to completely disregard outrageous pricing. i am not frugal. i sold out my life for five years, so i can afford six dollar beers.

we did a ride called mission space, i think. i thought i would throw up, because i get vertigo and motion sickness now. i almost threw up, but i did not. i felt queazy. it was a shame, because it was fun. i love rides. especially roller coasters. i have not tried to ride a roller coaster since i started getting motion sickness. i should try.

this is my new life as a pansy.

a pansy is a nice flower.

the lines at epcot were long. we twisted around lines that weaved back and forth. at one point we had stood in line for a span of fifteen minutes and we had reached a point where we were adjacent to a point we were at fifteen minutes before. mike said “three feet, as the crow flies.” i said “i don’t think even a crow would bother to fly for that much.”

it was funny. i make jokes, sometimes.

we drank beers from around the world, and had food from around the world. i had mexican, german, italian, american, japanese, indian, french, and british, in that order. it was magnificent to be so fat.

that is pretty much all that i did this weekend. i desperately need to leave this town for a weekend, because i am tired of it.

i have been trying to change my mind set, because my mind has been too set. i need to be looser, more freewheeling, more open, more careless, less inhibited, less bothered. less angry, less bitter, more at ease. y’know, like beck, or john depp.

my first step, is a hot shower.

you must initiate yourself to something every so often, because life gets stale and boring. as far as i am concerned, it gets boring.

i am initiating myself to bob dylan, which for some reason has never really happened. even though he is an icon and all of that. i dont know.

i have always had the respect necessary.

he’s a reason why eclectic folks are tolerated past 1963 and in the year 2005.

i took my pendant away . it is on the shelf. it symbolizes growth and harmony, i think. i’m not sure because my head is maligned and slanted inconsequential. bob dylan would not approve of my frame of mind. it is trapped and does not allow itself

.

its a hard rains a-gonna fall.

storms and focus. tribulations for peace.

no fear. no envy. no meanness.

(i was wiser, maybe many years ago. )

these feet shall cause me to progress!

oh, how i
should have wandered.

but, how should
i have wandered
?