this week i went to texas and there is actually a nice part of texas called the woodlands, and it is actually nice enough, because there were trees, and i was surprised.
i made a presentation about new systems that field engineers should use, and afterwards they called me the ice man, because they were insinuating that i did not seem nervous, even though i think i was nervous, except that i have found that i can be nervous and punkrock simultaneously.
erica is 35 and she is married but she still went out with me and dave and dave on monday, and after we were drunk she decided to call her husband on speakerphone and pick a fight and asked us to say hi and i thought it was dumb so i stopped talking to her even though she is attractive and dave stopped talking to her too but the other dave made touches to the leg and arm while talking. i was drinking gins and tonics and i was asked what sort of girl i go for, and i said “girl-next-door”, because that is what people like me say, and i said “oh and it helps if she likes me back” because that is what people like me say, too, but for the third year in a row i kept looking out for rachel, who is pale and scrawny with good manners and a good sense of humor, and i guess that is girl-next-door to me, even though rachel is married now with a 2-year-old and likes cowboys.
at a reception i sat with the troublemakers and we made jokes and in my opinion i made some of the better ones and none of us one any awards because every year it is the same and that is: horse shit.
i think it is fucking hilarious that i just used ‘one’ where i needed to use ‘won’. this proves that we grow more stupid and less sophisticated as we age, such is my recent waving flag.
before we went to texas, peter took me to a party where i didn’t know anyone but i still seemed to have fun, and now all at once i seem almost annoyingly popular to myself, examining photos of me with a beer in one hand and my other arm around a girl, who knows, and it is enough to make me envious, almost, except that this is quenched because i know that i am taking the stoic’s high road, and yes i am talking as if i am two seperate people, and yes if you saw me then, as compared to any other time in history, you would agree.
i think it all happens because i have been running every day, eating much less, i have lost weight and gained muscle, i have cut my hair short, and now i am prettier, and that is all anyone cares about, and that is sickening and cruel.
i miss new zealand. i have a spiral-shaped jade pendant around my neck, and the maori know that it means harmony and new beginnings. it feels like there is something to all of the mysticism, sometimes. i have never worn anything close to jewelry, before.
