Dwindles & reprimandishness

I have been traveling a lot, all for working. I flew into and out of Philadelphia, which once upon a time was the second-largest city in the British Empire. I flew into and out of Edmonton, which is dreary and depressing and staring into space like it has had crude oil contaminating its drinking water for a long, long time.

While i am away on my various travels, real estate agents show off my apartment to potential renters. They leave my lights on and leave business cards on my tables with old fat smiling white people pictured to the left and their names and information to the right. I collect the cards and put them into the papers to be recycled. I am ecofriendly.

Due to the influx of prospectors during my absences, it was necessary to evacuate Linus. Linus is a cat and even though we have never carried out a conversation he is one of my best friends. That a pet is one of my best friends means that the portion of my humanity which thrives on interconnectivity with the remainder of the human race has curled up and died in a moist and dark place, but Linus is a nice cat anyway. Linus is now timesharing on the old fambly homestead, watching birds from the windows without developing a crick in his neck, and probably enjoying a mojito, which is a drink that i thought had a little accent over one of the vowels but it does not.

Last night Tom and i were thinking of power animals for everyone, like ravens and bears and badgers and snakes, and we thought a long time about what my power animal would be and could not decide on anything, because Tom would not accept "homo sapien" as a power animal, even though i think that that is the one that fits me best.

I am power animalless. An anomaly. Ha. I think that i will make an executive decision and make my power animal a backpack. One that has a suitable number of pockets, as opposed to a ridiculous quantity of pockets.

You are supposed to have visions of your power animal in a dream, if you believe in that kind of shit. I am famous for never ever dreaming as far as i can tell. Except then last night i had a dream and i remembered fragments of it. It did not have any power animals, and had more to do with the mental tatters that give the only remaining evidence which might be able to prove that i was a romantic once upon a time, which kind of bummed me out. Why cannot my lucidity be more carefree like everyone else's?

Geographically and more tangibly, i am in a strange forlorn holding pattern, spin spin spinning the globe and staring into it hotly until it stops and tells me where i will go when the winter is ending. But it is like the old saying, "a watched globe never boils."

I am bending my head around another escape. All of my will is channeled towards a departure from the Greater Hamilton Area. My boss had told me that geography was no issue, it did not matter to him, but for the past month it has become clearer that the employer desires my whereabouts to be in one of two places, which only seems reasonable from an employer's perspective. There are not many working people who even get to contemplate a discussion about living anywhere other than one place upon the planet Earth. So i understand this, but it is also true that there is no point in sacrificing one's precious time for places and circumstances that are not totally and completely fulfilling. It is an idealistic notion that individuals who are supporting families or maintaining a network of close relationships cannot afford, but i am not really involved in either of those things, and so i can afford to have my heads more in the clouds. To pursue quests of righteousness or whatever.

I think that my employer and i have now diverged a bit too much to be of much use to one another, after an eight year trajectory. Resignation is an allusion i've made forty times over the past six years, but i guess this is the first time that i have actually fixed a liquidation of my housing commitment and a paring down of my earthly possessions and come the end of March i will be without a residence and without a desperate need to be anywhere specifically, with no one relying on my productivity other than a rather large black and white cat.

My boss wanted to talk to me this weekend, but despite leaving messages with him i have heard nothing so far. It cannot be very awesome news if there needs to be a weekend discussion concerning my human resources situation.

Anyways, so. Scientific experiments have concluded that i am dwindling.

Dwindle, dwindle dwindle.