amber = old solidifed tree sap

reckoner, i still have my moralities, of all of the leasts that are allowed to roam my twilights, its shambled lands and shadowed romance, and oh yeah its moisture-bereft sky too.

even though it had never happened to me before last night, it would be nice if drunk girls made shocking passes at me and tried to explain how i smell like amber in their dreams only when the following conditions are true: 1. they are not presently in a serious relationship; and 2. they are not presently in a serious relationship with a friend of mine. but that's passionate people for you, i guess.

my behavior was exemplary, of course. my morality is exemplary. exemplary meaning "standard & expected". there are more and more of us who would like to be recognized and honored for exhibiting behavior that normal people are supposed to have, anyway. i would like a shining medallion in recognition of my successful resistance against making out with my friend's girlfriend. perhaps the shiny medallion is a figurative representation of the nonexistence of weighty and dramatic relations with people who have become estranged friends. huzzah.

it was just sort of shocking. someone with my endearingly low self-esteem levels never expects any sort of pliable attraction from other folks, beneath their inhibitions. not even phantom attractions conjured via wine séances. 'n shit.

anyway, i am also good at dispelling peoples' anxieties about things they were trying to do when they were drunk, after they are not drunk anymore and are concerned with the weirdness factor while progressing into the future tenses. my behaviors are an unflinching planetesimal, complete with evolutions which are timed in eons.



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oh, romance. how irresponsible. i have not made a very good example of a boyfriend over the past couple of attempts, but then again the girlfriends weren't really doing too great either. i think we are all pretty shabby at it by now. we don't really know what we're in it for, even when it's all pleasant enough. that's the sense that i get. maybe i can theorize my shabbiness into a direct correlation against my time with emily. what a relief that would be.

i have tried to go on some dates lately, because that is what normal people do from what i understand. and the dates i have gone on were very pleasantly ephemeral and uncomplicated, but i don't know if anyone's getting the sense that they are on the verge of anything life-altering for their own particular betterment. maybe i am not opining correctly.

i get the feeling that my deciduous hormones will eventually cool, and i will phase into a troubling extended singleness again, and that will allow for my folks to wonder about my sexuality enough to make weird and out-of-place pro-gay comments when i am around. which is always good for a (nervous) laugh.

lordy, i would be contented enough to not have my head smote with the sense that i am wasting away in the absence of such etherealized importances. there is no need to hasten my apathies anymore than i already have, my logiccs say.

shall i overcome ?