it's hard to be a human being

ah, fuck it.

unabashed shamefulness is the new goddamn punk rock.

last night, tom and jess invited me to a bar with karaoke. i was not nearly drunk enough for karaoke, but i sang a song anyway. it was "the night they drove old dixie down". i forgot how it went in a couple parts. it was a disaster, up until i noticed that no one was paying attention anyways. except for the choruses, which i remembered.

inebriation is so difficult, anymore.

i am bankrupt on all sorts of things.

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i moved to a new desk this week. i am making a little more money and i have lots less to do. strange how that works out. maybe i will stick around a few months, rather than resigning and escaping to the edge of the planet ten minutes from now. the exchange rate is intolerable, though, so there are more reasons than midlife crises to up and leave and go away for a long time.

i went to the dickens for breakfast again. my favorite part was the toast. maybe that means i should start cooking my own breakfasts.

tomorrow i am putting new york state license plates onto my car. there are no good reasons for that, though. except that i've been driving illegally for two years, and it is the closest state out of all of the united ones.

last month, when i did not care about anything anymore, i never got the feeling that i should get a haircut, which meant that my hair was always unkempt and messy and long and slackerish, and it was the coolest i have ever looked in my life. but then my psychology improved a little, and for no good reason i wanted to get a slight trim, and then some dropout at supercuts lopped everything off and now i look like a secondgrader, and my psychology is bad again. that is how the cyclicalness happens, i guess. at any rate, until further notice i will cut my own hair. it is only a bad idea to cut your own hair if you really give a shit about how you look.

there is no bottom to my nonconformism.

last night i decided that i want to read books by richard brautigan. and then i found out that he shot himself in the brain.

as you do.

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