i has a sno

today i was back in hamilton. i was walking with my supervisor towards barton street, it was warm but i did not notice any of the prostitutes. i told my supervisor that i would not be lasting much longer in this employ. i have no good reasons for good income, is what i said. i am unbelievably tired, is also what i said.

unbelievably. all of my panderisms. awash in lostability. escape aids.

i fantasize thus: the resignation is taut and just. the cancellation of the lease comes next, then the paring down, because that is what a buddhist would do. perhaps only a backpack would remain. and then i join an organization to perform philanthropies, and then i would become jaded with even that. which is wholly tragic.

i am always in desperations, lately. my chest is always hyperventilated, or the opposite. it is a completely unreasonable state to be in. i do not want to be a fortysomething permanent frosted over with thorazine, so i feel like i must start walking. this is how my brain works.

though if someone were to invite me to dinner and drinks, then everything would change very suddenly. it is all very twingy. full of twings. i promise that i am not a phony yet, though. i am just very good at being normal, when i need to be, which is less often.

pictures of pretty girls make me depressed. it is just like everything else, darling.