Red Deer!

I am in Red Deer.

Do you know where Red Deer is?

If you do know where Red Deer is, then you are a nerd who has spent too much time paging through atlases. You know what they say about kids with atlases? Those are the kids who are never wanting to be wherever Here is.

Red Deer is betweenst Calgary and Edmonton, and in a very boring yellow/brown flatlands region just east of the Rocky Mountains. It is in a province called Alberta, which is legal to also refer to as "Canadian Texas", because Alberta is the part of Canada where they have stowed all of the tractors and dungarees and cattle and cowboy hats. And cowboys, even though they are phony cowboys. Everybody knows that there are no real cowboys, anymore.

Red Deer might be the driest location on the planet of Earth, considering that every time that i open my mouth, the corners of it crack halfway around my head. Everyone can see my molars. But i am lousy at exaggerating. Needful to say, i am downing a litre of water per two hours. I may also begin moisturizing my skin, if i can be sure that no one will find out.

Here is a ridiculous piece of carpet in our office, which is a trailer.



Oh yeah, i am in Red Deer for my job. I will be working thirteen hours a day, seven days a week, and i will be wearing a hard hat and coveralls, most of the time. I will also be missing out on plenty of exciting hockey games. But i will be able to act like a smartypants and fondle a turbine.

As an aside, my co-worker on the night shift is a feller i haven't worked with in four years. His lifeforce depends completely on dipping snuff, and he never swears, his vocabulary is filled with completely un-ironic dang's, heck's and dad-gum!'s. My favorite sentence from my co-worker yesterday went like this: "Golly, folks sure is nice up here, Tee-im."

When this is all over, hopefully sooner rather than later, maybe i will have some time to engage in the Art of Mountain Discovery, and drive to the bit of Rockies on the other side of Calgary, which seem to be stout. I would probably not leave my car to explore for glaciers and trees, on account of GRIZZLIES.