Virginia hams

I am still registered to vote in the Commonwealth, and so i have applied for my absentee ballot, in order to oust at least two evil and villainous incumbent Republicans.



I actually used to be a Republican. But then i turned fifteen. I also used to be a liberal, but then i started hanging out with liberals. And i used to be a libertarian too, but Bill Maher spoiled all of its hip. Now, i am a left-leaning Nothing. Maybe that means that i am a democrat. Actually i think that is exactly what it means. Cliques are everything.

Anyways.

I will include a heartfelt handwritten note to these two fellows, along with my absentee ballot. It will contain a list of employments that they may want to pursue once they are needing to pack their shit and move out of the DC.

I think that George would make an okay rancher, because once i saw a picture of him on a horse, and he seemed to be enjoying himself. Except i have a suspicion that he would be very mean to horses, and perhaps if no one was around, he would attempt to be romantic with the horses. You might be one of those people who would like to argue that maybe the horses enjoy that sort of thing every once in awhile, and if you are then you're weird. So instead of being a rancher, George should come to work in my office, and be my boss. He can fire me when the time is right. It is what we both have always wanted.

Eric is more difficult. Look at that fucking Tool. I bet he is one of those guys who are absolutely saccharin around the girls, and then when the girls are not around he is talking about what he would do with girls' anatomies in all sorts of ways that make us feel uncomfortable. Eric would probably do alright as a TA for a political science professor, even though some of the students would probably occasionally wear hoods and beat the shit out of him on Wednesday nights. And Eric would never get a clue, even at 8:59Pm on Wednesday night. Failing the TA gig, i don't know, i guess he should rifle through his kitchen drawers and find that silver-plated spatula, and head on down to Wendy's.

The Commonwealth shalt be more blue.