Cat Powers

At approximately 10:37PM, Chan Marshall began to play her set. Cat Power solo, is what we were seeing. It was going well, the performance was being delivered. There was just the thing about the crowd, which was huge, hot, shoulder to shoulder.

At 11:58PM i was excusing myself to the bathroom, between songs. And i walked up the stairs and i peed into a toilet, and apparently i had just enough couth to tuck myself into my pants before blacking out at the strokes of midnight, comfy on the floor of the men's bathroom, still unzipped. Thank goodness i am in Canada, where lovely young gentlemen tap me on the shoulder and ask if i am alright. I wake up, seeing that i am on the floor of the men's bathroom in Lee's Palace, and this is somewhat concerning to me. And then i black out again.

The gentlemen rouse me again and help me to my feet, and then i zip myself and i exit and sit on the steps outside the bathroom, and one of the guys gets me a wet bunch of toilet paper for my face, which i accepted with more grace and thankfullness than much else i can think of, for ever being given. It becomes one of the very rare times that i initiate an introduction, and i say my name is tim, and i have only had one beer, but i seem to have fainted because my brain has faculties which disappear more and more often these days. He said his name was Sean and we shook hands and i thanked him three times.

I had taken my vitamins today, twice. I had run a mile. I had had a glass of water and a nice meal directly beforehand. I have very few things to blame.

I have felt on the verge of fainting many times over the last several years, but this is as dramatic as it has gotten for my part. Always in crowded and dark and hot places. The first time maybe also in Lee's Palace, in the month of June 2001, seeing the Red House Painters, maybe inadvertently making Emily prop me up for a bit, before retreating to the back of the room.

I am the most feeble, like Fiver, except without the beneficial propheteering. I am just feeling feeble, and old. Definitely not masculine, nor feminine, nor anything in between. I am inanimate, or on that trajectory, perhaps.

I think that i am claustrophobic, to a very significant extent, because i cannot think of any other reasons. I feel faint, standing up in crowded heats, and i try to take deep breaths but it never works. And i begin yawning, once every few minutes, then accelerating to every ten seconds. When the yawns are ten seconds apart, it is time to find a place upon which to lower my center of gravity, because imminence puts no weight on the feet.

I had to watch The Colours & The Kids from the very back, where there was some space. It is my favourite song of Chan's. Liz even came to stand with me. Liz is very nice, and she does not seem to mind that i am feeble.

Chan played for two and a half hours, which is impressive because sometimes she has fits and quits in the middle of song number three, from what i have heard. I quit in the middle of song number twelve, maybe it was.

I do not know how to diagnose claustrophobia or cure it. Fuck, i always thought i was too jaded for phobias.