parade of lost double entendres

my week has been almost awash in anxiety which it had not earned. you should really earn your anxieties, because then they are more likely to abandon you when you need them the most, such as when you are climbing a mountain precipice.

with so much hollow doubt and worry, i have decided that i need to take time away from myself by giving my time to other things, such as activities. i have been looking, and maybe i can volunteer to plant trees. i have always wanted to volunteer, and almost helped to build a house for poor people once, except it was raining and i was feeling anxiety because it is tougher to do things by yourself.

there are lots of opportunities for big brothers, but maybe i am not outgoing enough for that sort of thing. although it would be neat to meet a little kid who has the hookups for the mary jane and all. oh, and the 'cid.

alternatively, i could join a soccer league, but i have not played in nine years, and i sort of doubt that i would enjoy it anymore.

there is no doubt that i have been ultra restless, and am anxious unless i am getting out of my apartment and beneath the sunshinerays, which might be made of photon-sized xanax.

also, my work is no different than it was two weeks ago, but all of a sudden i am much much less able to cope with how much of a drag it is. i think my next move will need to be almost drastic, maybe even to-wards something that feels personally fulfilling, such as planting trees, or dropping the 'cid.

it's just that i hate to be completely useless and pointless in the grander scope of the world. although it is true that the world is a fucking drag, itself.

the root of the problem? too much thinking, not enough television.

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heather's fever reached one oh three point one, which is hott, and also i think a classical music station in buffalo or rochester. she would be dead, if we were fifty years into the future and antibiotics were hopelessly meek. i would get her a menthol lollipopsicle, but i do not think that such things have been derived or manufactured.

this weekend is the allentown arts festival in buffalo, and i think we are going. my favourite things are the glass globes that have swirling planets and nebulaes and galaxy-type things inside them, but the ones i like are at least one hundred dollars, maybe, although i should rather think of the loss of money as supporting a starving artiste, which is a fulfilling thing to do.

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yesterday i was in old navy for the tenth time in two months, trying to make up for some of the ten years of clothes shopping that i have missed. there was a r&b pop song on the intercoms and i sort of liked it, more than the belle & sebastian disc that i was listening to in the car. this made me remember that i must be nearing thirty. i wonder if i should be more anxious?

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did i mention that heather and i went kayaking twice last week? once was on the erie canal, and once was on oak orchard creek. it was my third and fourth time in a kayak, which is always fun to say, because it is a word developed by my iroquios forefathers, probably. the spirits of my iroquios forefathers made sure that heather and i did not turn upside down in our kayaks with our legs pinned inside, thus ensuring a slow and breathingless death. thank christ for my iroquios forefather spirits.

i got to be okay at very dramatic paddling and maneuvering, often requiring an impressively awesome amount of effort, with very little actual result, except for the very loud sounds of splashing water. this was justified, though, because it made everyone, including myself, wonder until the last second if i was going to be able to traverse the obstacle. and i always did, after paddling my portion of the creek dry. i blame our fat kayaks, which heather liked to compare to an elegant four-footed bath tub. it was also a lot like very small cargo frigate.

new pick-up line for boating excursions?

"i'm going to board your vessel."

woah, it is late. today was thursday.