Seventy-eight mission cap
This is a picture of my fifty-mission cap, except that they weren't actually missions, but there were a fuck of a lot more than fifty of them:
Here is a picture of the inside of my cap:
I originally bought the cap in a mystical city called Toronto, during a seventh grade field trip that I cannot really remember the purpose of, except that it was completely responsible for the sonofabitch that I have become today.
That was in 1990, and I wore it all of the time and it became grungy and smudged and well-worn, and at some point I was convinced that the constant presence of the cap was wearing a rift into my scalp, precluding my hair and luscious bangs from being able to be molded properly, and I also was beginning to believe that constant cap-wearing would cause premature failure of hair follicles, yknow because of the lack of sunlight and all, and so I stopped wearing the cap, and my big dufus head got too big for it, anyway.
When I was back in my hometown for a brief visit last week, I counted three or four young persons wearing Toronto Maple Leaf memorobilia, and it made me want to kick them in the eye, because I was first, and probably the only reason I became a Maple Leaf fankid in the first place was because nobody else liked them, not even in Toronto, because they were awful.
Those weak fuckers. The new fankids, I mean.
They did not feel the lean times of Gary Leeman and Vince Damphousse. These were times when the most glorious moments were the ones where Wendel Clark ate Chunky soup with a fork on Global's Got It!
The best Jeopardy question ever would be:
"The last goal he ever scored won the Leafs the Cup. They didn't win another 'til 1962; the year he was discovered. I stole this from a hockey card I keep tucked up under my fifty-mission cap. I WORKED IT IN TO LOOK LIKE THAT! IT'S MY FIFTY MISSION CAP! I WORKED IT IN! (WORKED IT IN!) AND I WORKED IT IN! (WORKED IT IN!) III WOOORKED IIT IIN TO LOOOK LLIKE THAAT!"
"Who is Bill Barilko, Alex."
"Correct!"
"l33t for $800, Alex."
"It's a Daily Double!"
6 Comments:
That's a cool beat up old hat
i know it! and i forgot to mention that it's made entirely out of corduroy!
how much cooler does that make an old beat up cap? to be made out of corduroy? huh?
at least three times cooler, is what i'm thinking. corduroy equals three times cooler for caps, but not necessarily pants, because it's not the nineties, after all.
Corduroy ain't cool?
Damn, what should I do....I just can't wear denim
there is always linen, velvet, suede, leather, khaki, and plain old cotton weaved garments.
i'm afraid i cannot let you wear corduroy pantalones. i am sorry.
Leather is quite Hasselhoff-esque…...it's growing on me…….yes I shall!
Oh thankyou wise one, my fashion faux pas is solved!
The purpose of the trip did not reveal itself until we arrived at the Toronto Zoo, at which point we made the startling zoological discovery of the flying cheetahs who ate microwave popcorn.
For others, the purpose of the trip was to dare each other to buy condoms. I did not participate in taht group, however.
-AM
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