http://www.chicagotribune.com/ media/ acrobat/ 2005-06/ 18118271.pdf

dear billy,

you seem like a jackass nowadays, but you're still probably my favorite. you're my favorite jackass, billy.

i read your thing today, where you said you were going to get the band back together. there was a teensy tidbit in the paper about it. i think nearly everyone almost missed it, so it was a good thing that you made it approximately two feet wide by two feet tall.

it's such a relief, because when the band broke up, i had to get into indie rock, and the whole indie rock scene. and it's full of lots more jackasses who wear girls jeans and make me feel bad about myself by being so smug that it makes my testicles hurt. because they can pass judgement via ESP, which is pretty cool except that it is evil. and everybody's mopey and elitist at the same time. and we collect emotions like baseball cards and we keep scores and we rate our depth against one another. and when we get to the club, most of us aren't even listening to the music, which is weird because it's supposedly what got us to show up. i guess we weren't ever seen enough before, so we have to keep on trying to be seen more and more. extroverts in denial are still extroverts and i dont like them!

let's be the ignored, again. the piss ants. like 1994 liner notes!

fuck all that noise, billy corgan. fuck bright eyes and deathcab. i am ready for the return of giants!

but, oh, i guess it was too late to recall the monstrous newspaper ad after realizing "oh damn! there are three other people in that band and at least two of them want me to eat shit!".

d'oh!

nevertheless, if it can happen, it'll be just like siamese dream. everyone hating everyone else and all that vitriol!

have you heard music over the last ten years? we miss the old vitriol! bring that k.c. masterpiece shit back! distill the life that's inside of me!

i don't want to have to listen to the fiery furnaces and try to make myself realize that it's a really awesome record, anymore. save me!

you made me believe that the only people that can write a decent song are the ones having nervous breakdowns. and i still believe!

should you torch your soul to show the world that you are pure, deep inside your heart??

definitely!

you'll probably have to leave behind the dumb goth outfits and the new-age jibberjabber and all of the born-again stuff. wear a tee shirt and jeans and a scowl and a chip on your shoulder, for fuck's sake!

remember, before you were famous, everyone hated you and noone liked you! remember??

we could relate to that!

and your distortion pedals. if you didn't use it on "silverfuck", throw it out!

the ones you're using now? the Killers are using all of those!

to better effect!

your new album? i was sort of surprised, because i only don't like maybe a quarter of it, instead of all of it, like i was expecting. i like most of it, which is good for you!

but i already got off on this stuff with depeche mode or whatever! good for you, bad for me!

you created "starla"!! son of a bitch that was a freakout!

jimi hendrix was shaking his ghost-ass fist at you!

then you created "drown" and you made him cry!

ghost-ass tears!

you channel bitterness and loneliness better than any rocknroll star ever! and you turn your back on your skillset?

if you do this thing and start churning out songs that can be boiled down into the phrase "we love each other and together we can succeed!", then you should stop yourself and re-learn what shame is all about!

what happened to the shame!?

by the way, zwan sucked!

exclamation!

!!

now that all of that is out of the way, i would like you to know that you have my blessing, until further notice!

your friend!
-tim.(!)

p.s. i stayed up to watch you on letterman last night. what am i, eighteen? you were the best part of the show, but a lot of that is attributable to dave becoming a blathering and unhumorous fool (which is tragic) and a temporarily edgeless christopher walken. congrats!