Entertainment sans antennaes

I am such a fraud, it hurts.

As righteous as I convince myself that I am, I am still a desirous little pugilist like most everyone else.

So my luck has run out, and after my first tumultuous month in my new apartment, my free cable gets shut off. Endless salt & pepper television screens, from channel 2 to 102. I know, because I checked.

"No big deal, I dont care anyway" was the attitude I was able to front to myself for the first two and a half hours, but in the third hour I was scavenging unused items for eBay, to counter the $50+ cable bill that I can expect from here on out, because I am fucking bored as hell, and my mental health suffers when I am not constantly bombarded with distractions.

Example:

television off - "What am I doing with my life? Why am I here if I am not crucial to something or someone??"

television on and tuned to Daily Show - "Haha!... Heeee!... Gagglegaggle hee-haw! Hehe!"

I have decided to get the cable internet as well, because my landlord's wireless is a slut, plus I have to have my computer in the spare room to even sense the wireless, and I hate the spare room because there are no screens or speakers, and so it is a geography devoid of distractions, and I find myself questioning my meaning and wondering why no one ever falls in love with me, and I am not nearly dashing enough, or witty enough, to try to pull off the whole Morrissey thing...

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In other news, I think my vacation plans are solidified. Probably New England for the fourth of July weekend, to hopefully see Mike and Miss and Adam and Manda and Madeleine and Billy Corgan, even though only five out of the six still have talent, and then starting mid-July, it's Chicago for the Intonation Festival, then New Zealand for twelve days with a Contiki group, because solo traveling should not be performed by introverts, and I find that even if I never make soul-melding connections to others in my peergroup, they still make good distractions for a week or so. And New Zealand is supposedly as close to Middle Earth as I'll ever get, although if you know the geography well enough, you would notice that there is a striking resemblance between Middle Earth and Europe/Asia/Africa, and if you were to transpose, then you would find that the Shire is somewhere around France, and I have been to France, and Forochel is part of Scandanavia, and I have been to Scandanavia, and Mordor transposes to the Middle East, and I will probably never go to Mordor, and nothing of importance transposes to New Zealand, so isnt that ironic?

That was the longest paragraph maybe ever. Apologies.

I have been circularly anxious and lonely this weekend, in contrast to last weekend where I got to show off my ability to maintain campfires and play beer pong and sleep on wooden floors and supply liability to a frisbee football game. I also got to see Adam for ten minutes and Chad for many hours and my parents and my grandmother and the Memorial Day parade, where the Mustang band played the Superman theme song and it was shocking to see how high schoolers look like babies, now, whereas they sort of looked intimidating while we were in high school. How the shit does that happen? I also think that I saw Jeremy M. in the marching veterans, and if so, I am pleased that he swings his arms naturally at his sides now. I am pretty sure it was Jeremy because this guy was young and tall and had Air Force dressups and looked like he was going out of his way to look like a pompous ass.

Enough negativity for now. More in the evening.