how doors latch

i have been pondering. there is no use denying it.

my options have been laid out, and i have been pummeled with them, relentlessly.

option 1: pack your shit. move to orlando.
option 2: pack your shit. move to radnor.
option 3: quit.

i will not detail the reasons that i am choosing option 1, because i could fill pages that would form circles.

it is mostly because: 1- it is time for me to move somewhere. 2- it is a big raise and i am all about selling out. 3- i do not want to frame my life with hotel rooms anymore because it's ruined me enough already. 4- it is an easy job. 5- i will have free time to do what i want. 6- i do not have to live in the atrocious suburbs, i can live in the city, which is actually a nice city. and i know this because i just checked it out tonight.

i don't think that i should miss richmond or my friends there, because i will have free time, and i have made promises to myself to make visits. i will not have already made my last bicycling to the james, or i should be very disappointed.

i will miss my apartment, which has been my longest apartment ever, and it has poor insulation and thin walls and creaky floors. and it has mythical-sized trees outside, and legions of squirrels. and there is aged eucalyptus on the walls. and my bed is there, which is a comfortable bed, nestled between windows that soften the sun. and there is a lot of sun and breezes. and i hardly ever vacuumed and i was constantly picking up but it was still a mess. and i have had free cable television the entire time, even though i don't watch it all that much.

the most "home" that i ever feel anymore is in that apartment.

you don't realize that "home" is even a feeling until you are never in the same place for more than a week or two.

that "home" feeling is the reason we don't sleep over at our friends' places anymore, unless we absolutely have to. like if we're too drunk and we pass out on their couch.

one of my friends was in orlando last weekend for a visit. his name is michael, and also melissa came with him. melissa is his wife and she goes by missy, so that's what everyone calls her. they were down to see mike's grandmother, who lives in st. cloud and has cancer and has not been well.

lately, everyone has cancer and is dying. there are those spans of time where everyone is invincible, and then those spans of time where everyone is dying. this is one of the latter. this is when we play "he has left us alone but shafts of light sometimes grace the corners of our rooms" and sit in the dark and feel very small and wait for the collapsing to start.

but on sunday, me and mike and missy went out to lunch, and walked around the free parts of disney, and then we played putt-putt golf on one of those extravagent courses that have themes, and this one had a congo/rainforest theme, and i lost the first game by fourteen strokes, but won the second game by five.

then mike and missy flew back to rhode island, because that is where they live.

i could continue with other things, like observations about fellow co-workers, but i don't feel like it right now, because i am tired and i need to go to bed.

this has been an update on status, only. all content has been de-coloured.