bellbow

i am back on central time zone. i am amidst a foggy baton rouge.

such have airports made for me, foggy and cramped. i have been hauling baggages around with one arm, because my right elbow is feeling absolutely broken, to the point where i can not put weight into my bicep, and it has now swollen to twice its size, big and red, and i do not know how it happened, even though it feels just like it was smashed into something very rigid, even though i have no memory of smashing it into something rigid.

maybe there is a splice of bone fragment swimming around inside the flesh of my elbow tip, and it is only enflaring the hurt. my elbow is tender and fevered and pulsing, so maybe that means it is getting better. better or worse.

i spent the last 3-4 days in my richmond places, and i think i even fit everyone in, even for a little bit. i drank plenty of beer and chai. there was some snow, plenty of lisa and matt, a little of nora and lindsay, other friends and acquaintances, a shockwave rider show, meals eaten out at restaurants, and kris and rebecca even visited for a day. i came out of it all feeling like shit, like i had drank alcohol in unwholesome quantities, and also wreaking of cigarette smokes.

it was just nice to be able to lay down on my couch amidst my walls and not feel like i must be on-call or out and about or important at all. i have been as important as i will ever be, maybe a long time ago, and now i look forward to being on extraneous and peripheral. maybe this is what i mean.

while in airports, i thought about some things that i should write down:

like, 1. nothing much is memorable without companions. maybe this is why i have walked a thousand miles of europe, gone up the arch of st. louis, hiked the littler grand canyon, done laps around memphis, etc. and it all leaves me with less and less of an impression. also, maybe adult brains are brains which are less full of younger hormones, which might help memorize illuminated experiences in more romantic lights, whether or not they were more meaningful than experiences are these days. but at any rate, the next time i go on a vacation, someone should go with me.

2. i do not metabolize like i used to, either. if i continue to eat things with tons of sugar, i should prepare an inventory of large-waisted jean pants.

3. i am so tired and need to go to bed as soon as possible.