Subtle duality

Lamp shadow, room #107
Originally uploaded by amnesoid

Such a stare, from the corner.


Last week, Adam sent me a link to an article about how the Earth makes a humming sound, sometimes. Apparently, no one knows where it comes from. It is all a mystery that only some people know about. I don't think i had ever heard about the mystery. I would very much like to hear the Earth hum. I will feel cheated if i never do. I think that i have a purpose that involves hearing sourceless noises orbiting the planet.

If i know anything about a god or goddess of this universe, it is that they are only a sound and a flame and a hair on theback of your neck, and nothing at all less or more than this. Then again, i do not know much of anything, and i don't have conversations like that with people like me. Everyone would beg to differ.

They do it all of the time.

Some of the time, i get a feeling in my spine, and i shiver even if it is not cold. It only lasts for a moment. I bet the Earth hums for much longer than that.

Some were so young, spending duality when it was still just smoke and then there was none left. Others are never running out and it is like a soft shadow behind them, all of the time and always.

I have witnessed things that i could not explain, and i was convinced that they were truly mystical, but then i forgot to write them down and i've forgotten them and they are eternally disappeared, mingled and diluted into the atmosphere that i share with the undetectable hums of my planet.

Slow demonization of horned gods

Your feet slowly weld themselves to the planet. But you realise, and you resist. What can blanket such an amperage and soothe it back to its sleeps?

Perhaps you become an old man, with a white beard. You have snuck out an exit of your special home. You are driving north along Battlefield Boulevard. You are in the southbound lanes. You are not surrounded by a car, but you must be imagining that you are. You are strolling in white pants and white sneakers, and a bright yellow shirt. Almost neon. People stare at you, walking in the middle of a major suburban thoroughfare towards oncoming traffic not quite a quarter-mile away, now. You seem to be completely oblivious, or else you are not and you just do not care any longer. Your hands are out in front of you, in fists, clutching an invisible steering wheel that you leisurely swerve back and forth, and your head compensates for the imagined swaying of angular momentum.

You are pretending, again. And it is dangerous.

This was a hilarious and distressing scene that i witnessed, recently, but at the last possible moment, an absolutely huge and overemphasized right hand swerve was maneuvered, and the old man who was imagining himself to be driving a car dodged into the median just before he was squashed by the real things.

Maybe i will be that insane, someday.

Yes i'm too, slow!

Oh, the rains. The weather that tames and then saturates the flickered complacence. Fate is not your friend, daughters and sons. You are not safe, yet.

Yes, i'm too slow.

It was a surprise that we forgot, being caught just short of the edge, an old run through the rye that you have inherited. Each over their shrinking flock. Oh, the rains.



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I have been in hotels for three weeks. This newest one might be fifteen minutes from the ocean, but i don't know for sure. Today it rained so we stopped working early. I swam in the big indoor pool. I had it all to myself. Thirty-thousand cubic feet and humid, awash in the caged sounds of pumped waterjets. I didn't know what to do, floating there. So i swam back and forth in laps. I could feel the accumulations of the effort in my biceps. I guess that i do not use those enough, but who gives a fuck?

I have put myself on a vitamin regimen lately. It is a green fluid with everything i could possibly need, including 200% of my daily manganese. I gag on a capful per day, so that i do not have to feel too bad about having chips and salsa for dinner. I plan to start running, to get more in shape for hiking this summer. I don't know where i will be hiking, but i have a feeling that it will end up being a place that is far away and expensive to get to.

Linus is sleeping on one of the two queensized beds. It is silly that i have a room with two queensized beds, but this is the room that they let people stay in who have pets, because pets can be messy and puke on the floor a lot, like Linus does. Linus does not like this room as much as the previous one, because the birds are not as cumberless to look at. Here, he gets a crick in his neck, so he chooses to sleep rather than look out the window. We are on the first floor, gazing out at the asphalts of Greenbrier. It is not a miraculous scene, so i go to the indoor pool and swim back and forth, in laps when i can.

I am slowly reading a book that wonders what it would be like if all of the human beings disappeared all of a sudden. Whoosh, we are gone, but all of our stuff is still laying around, cluttering the planet. The book says that everything would rot away in less than a thousand years, even megacities. Manhattan would be a forest again, and so would your house.

There would be a few evidences. Bathroom tiles, for instance. Piles of crushed bits of anything ceramic, covered in dirt and weeds.

The book says that in ten thousand years it would be a lot like we never happened at all, and perhaps the planet would even miss us just a little bit. That was heartwarming. It made me doze off, smiling on the insides, awash in melatonin. Oh, to be missed.

I am glad that it is Spring, but things have been perplexing. It's hard to enjoy life because everyone is too busy. Maybe we are trying to figure out the meaning of life, but we are too superfluous to even know what we're after. Functioning beyond the requirements, is what i mean. You and me and John the twenty-three.

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I would like the Bruins to do something historical, tonight.

April 05 2008

All of my lousy teeth have gone loose and the sockets are sore. I tongue a lesion that refuses to be appeased by additional vitamin C or E. My mouth is a shambles, a gothic architecture of suspected malnutrition and negative internalizations.

Last night i finally saw 'Control'. It was showing at the Byrd Theatre at 12AM. Lindsay agreed to go with me. I had not seen Lindsay in four years. She let me have a piece of ricemilkchocolate, and i gave her daft positivity concerning her evanescent boyfriend and the teeth she lost in a bicycle accident two years ago. I had never heard of ricemilkchocolate, but i guess that is how vegans do it up.

'Control' is about Ian Curtis. Ian Curtis sang for Joy Division. Joy Division takes a long long time for the ears to comprehend, but if you are the correct sort of person then you finally do. Ian Curtis hung himself in his kitchen when he was twenty-three. He fell in love way too young and got married and had a baby way too young and then he fell in love with someone else, of course, and the guilt took him over the edge and then he hung himself in his kitchen when he was twenty-three.

I left the movie at 2:30 AM and it was raining and my teeth were loose and sore, but the temperature was nice.

-

I hit the road two weeks ago today. Before that, i had been living in Burlington, Ontario, Canada, which is nice enough. On my last night i was eating at the pub because there had been no food in my refrigerator for four months. The waitress who i kind of liked decided to sit and talk with me for two hours after her shift. It probably would have been better if she had not. But that's how it goes, i guess.

I also felt feeble and i wrote to Liz telling her that i was leaving but she does not like to write back anymore, but then again why should she? That is how that goes, too.

Now i have four bags of clothing, i have two laptop computers, i have an external hard-drive with my entire music collection, i have an acoustic guitar and i have a cat named Linus. We are all in a hotel room in Richmond, Virginia. It is sort of like old times. I have been working in my old office and i have been out with old friends every night. The friends ask me if i am excited to be back in Richmond and i say yes, even though it is a tempered excitement. I think everything will feel tentative until i am settled into a place of my own again, which will not be happening for at least another eight weeks. Sometime after my tour of duty in Norfolk.

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The Sabres and the Leafs are both done for. I will root for the Capitals tonight.