pluto

i stepped out of the office at approximately 1:50pm this afternoon, noticing a crowd of people standing in the parking lot, looking up into the eastern sky.

it seemed as if something important was happening.

i also looked up into the eastern sky, and noticed that there was a rocket, just about one inch off of the horizon, it was leaving a trail of vapour.

i said to myself "do i know about a space mission that is happening to-day? i think i might. i bet that it is a rocket to pluto. and i missed it. shit."

and by the time i had figured it all out, the rocket had traveled to maybe four inches above the horizon, with its vapour trail getting smaller all of the way, until it had disappeared altogether, and was safe on the other side of the blue sky, lost on the other side of glares and reflections, and other phenomenons of the daytimes.

i have just read a news article, and apparently the rocket was called "new horizons". in words and in action, this rocket did not like its prospects, and i can hardly blame it.

don't look back, new horizons.

oh, also, "new horizons" was supposed to irradiate floridians with ghastly subatomic particles upon its exit. but apparently, it did not succeed.

shucks.

mix effort #106

i have completed a mix effort. i will call it #106 that i have ever done, although that number may be inaccurate and completely just pulled out the air, sort of.

these are songs from 2005 that i really liked. if you wanna, you can download them and "burn" them onto a compact disc which is recordable. you could even print out the picture and cut it to 4.5 inch dimensions, and slip it neatly into a jeweled case. you know, if you wanted to.

here are the links:

01
02
03
04
05
06
07
08
09
10
11
12

npr wake-up

every morning when the alarm clock wakes me up, it seems to be that point of the npr broadcast where they are profiling another dead soldier, another late twenties early thirties father of one or two who was disillusioned with a war that was supposedly over almost three years ago, but felt obligated to the others in the group. it's always a situation where they have come home, had the choice to stay home, but decided to go back. i cannot comprehend these decisions.

this is what i seem to hear every morning when i wake up.

i guess that politicians wake up earlier than i do. or wake up to the oldies station. i guess if i were them - the less news the better.

crackers & cheese: it's what's for dinner, if you're a lazy fucker!

i have re-discovered an old passion for processed cheesefood, sharp cheddar flovoured, with buttery and salty ritz crackers.

i will have acne well into my seventies.

which is just fine, because somedays, popping a zit gives me my only sense of accomplishment.

although the sheer volume of sodium involved can and will erode the mouth tissues.

which sort of sucks.

24

i got addicted to season #2 of 24. it;s the only season i've seen. i watched the dvds for about ten hours straight over the christmas break.

it was all very exciting, lots of action.

i don't think that i will like it anymore, because season #5 just killed two of my favourite characters in fifteen minutes. it was completely uncalled for. especially michelle, who is gorgeous and does not deserve to be assassinated. \\ even if it is fiction.

conspiracies are vile, vile things.

it is 2006. we are not in spaceships. we are not even close.

for me, in all of my epic staleness, it seems more and more likely that i will be moving to southern ontario, where the hair on the backs of canadians' necks will get erections, sensing an inferior american is present.

i am twenty-nine, now. forty percent of my life is history. huzzah.

orlando is actually very autumnal today. it is breezy, sunny, fifty-six degrees. lovely. i can't think of a good reason to go outside.

increasingly, i am listening to classical music. arvo pärt chorals, which are beautiful. gerald finzi, solo piano things. i know nothing about it at all.

also, boards of canada.

--

i should get more friends, but i am old and burnt out on trying to socialize, trying to impress people. i miss my old friends. i am always far away. i hate to bother people. i am nice and considerate that way. you can always count on me to leave you alone.

i would swoon. maybe i should get another girlfriend, but just for six months or so. fresh love / fresh hate. you know the routine.

i sort of miss being young and emotional, even if was always skewed more than slightly downward. it was passionate. i can respect passionate.

i wonder if i will have canadian friends. i wonder if they would help me practice having real conversations, like a normal person. i think i would like conversations, but my voice is not wired to my brain, a lot of times.

i know it seems like i am sad too much, in writing. i am not really sad, just bored and always wondering how i should be like, if everything were ideal. i am never satisfied with the ways things are, and i think that is actually a good trait, most of the time. it is just sort of bad when you find yourself alone a lot, because you tend to focus on yourself like a magnifier glass, with a black handle, in perfect parallels to the sun's radiation. and you know the schpiel. you are kindling, then the smoldering, then the flame.

that shit can cause cancer, too.

i am not the same way in person, because i like to think that i am carefree and funny. because i am.

it is like being two people, one in live action and one in writing, like a legal document. and you know about legal documents. they are always very serious.

that's why it is hard to write down funny things, like making fun of christians. i hope i did not offend any christians. there are plenty of good ones. they are the ones who need to take back their religion. just like the good muslims. all of the reasonable faithfulls.

anyway, i should be more carefree and funny in writing. i should bitch and shoegaze more in action. c'est la vie.

i like to write "c'est la vie" everywhere, lately, even if it does not necessarily make sense.

--

i am going to be an uncle for the first time, very very soon. and then! i am going to be an uncle again several months after that. i have not even been able to process that one, because i have not yet fully processed this one.

i feel like i should be considering babies a much bigger deal than i am currently considering them. i think: if i were younger, this proposition would loom at its proper importance. i am not young enough to understand prominence and priority, anymore. but then again, i shortchange myself, sometimes.

my parents will be grandparents. my grandmother will be a greatgrandmother. my brothers will be uncles, like me. but they will also be fathers. this is impossible, to me. i never knew that my brothers had this capability.

it is all impossibly important. children will be the only ones who remember who the hell we were, or what we were trying to do. their personalities will be a direct effect of our actions. in the end, children are the only thing that matter.

i admit this openly, even though i am pretty damn sure that i will not be involved in making children. some of us are responsible for filling the black sheep quota.

sometimes i fantasize that i am very good in dealings with children, that they would adore my company, that i would be a blast to be around, that they would look forward to me visiting. but i am probably overestimating myself.

anyway, i hope i will be an alright uncle.

--

i need to make a mix cd, because there is a change on the horizon, and periods of change always require mix-cd accompaniment.

if i am successful, then i will upload the results, and my cyber friends can download it too. i want to be more worthy of your friendships, after all.

thanks for letting me do that.

modesty

i am very modest, and that is the reason that i am so incredibly awesome.