(Royal) Orleans County

You probably would not have guessed it, but I am originally from the O.C.

I heard that they made a television show about it, which is strange because the O.C. never seemed that happening.

I am going to visit the O.C., starting tomorrow.

It is a small vacation or a very long weekend which is much in need, because at work I may turn into a nazi at any given moment, because people at work are always eager to be pissants and joust their penises, and even though I might be a pacifist, I have fantasies about killing the wives and children of the aggressive folk.

I hope that I do not have enough emotional investment in the work place that I feel I need to wage psychological battles with my peers in order to ascend the charts to something like an alpha-employee, or whatever pecking orders are about, and whatever the fuck pecking is. I'm just ridin it out to cash ma paper on friday, yo.

But anyway, I am leaving, and where I am going is going to be sixty-three degrees fahrenheit and I will be outdoors, mostly, probably fashioning a custom belt which can holster a smallish jug of jim beam, intermittently becoming dirty and sweaty, intertwining twigs into my hair to seem more like a Lord of the Flies, Simon and his bloody boar's head, stories by the campfire, vibing on the shrill voice of Al the partial anarchist & complete communist, sleeping without a bed, hopefully not catching poisonous ivy sap along the skins of my fingers and exposed thingies.

This would all be in Allegheny, which is a state park, and that is where my friend Chad spends the memorial day weekend with his friends, frolicking and being slovenly and drunkardly and idealistichmmm. I will be there to suppyl a one-liner here and there, and otherwise to keep my fucking trap shut.


Oh! Since it will be only sixty-three, and I am used to ninety, I am bringing two layers, and one layer will be made out of a polar bear cub, who works for three-fifty per hour. The other layer will be a surprise.

The Star Wars Dialogue, May 2005!

For posterity, the Miles & Miller (tm) technical critiques shall be placed here:

point #1 - the darth vader suit:
"yeah, the 'NOOO!' was so comic book that it was comical. it was also funny how [Darth Vader] took no time to survey himself after coming to. like, 'oh, i have a big black suit on now, and assisted breathing, and everything i see is in digital red. fuck me runnin''" - T.M.

"I think that's what the whole Frankenstein stomping bit was about, him trying to figure out how to walk on mechanical legs. Aside from the stomp itself and the "noooo" bit, I thought that was really really well done, and the mask coming down over his face was damn near tragic." - A.M.


point #2 - the lavafight:
"you don't hover that close to fucking lava without bursting into flames. not to mention there would be no breathable atmosphere on that entire planet, only poisonous fumes. anakin and obi-wan should have both been incinerated five minutes into that fight." - T.M.

"Well for most of it, they were inside that invisible shield thingy. But
yeah, when they were bobbing on the floating debris in the lava, they should have both burned to a crisp." - A.M.


point #3 - aural space:
"you do not hear sounds in space. but i'll let that slide because hollywood has been doing that from the beginning. except for 2001." - T.M.

"Yep, though at the beginning, I think technically they were in the outer atmosphere of Coruscant." - A.M.

[Geek! Besides, without a dense atmosphere, sound will not travel. Ha! - T.M.]


point #4 - childbirth & broken heartss:
"don't women in childbirth who die, typically die before or during, and NOT after, the babies are born? oh, that's right... she died of a BROKEN HEART. heh..." - T.M.

"[...] it is entirely possible to die after the babies are out. I'm guessing Padme either bled out or died from sheer exhaustion, coupled with the force choke thing. Oh yeah, and the broken heart (meh)" - A.M.

[Conclusion - droid midwives are a bad idea. - T.M.]


point #5 - ultimate bipolar disorder:
"guys like anakin do not go from moral example of society to murderer of children without a fuck of a lot more downward spiraling. [Totally unconvincing turn to the dark side.]" - T.M.

"Yeah, that's a bit much, though if I thought slaying a few kids might
prevent my wife from dying, I'd consider it..." - A.M. (the sweetest husband comment ever!)


point #6 - the most important point of all:
"luke's aunt has BLACK HAIR! [Unforgiveable]" - T.M.

"Maybe she went gray and then got a bad dye-job. OK, so that one is indefensible... Blonde Aunt Beru is pretty cute in the prequels though..." - A.M.


bonus point! - General Grievous? What kind of a name for a general is that?!:

"General Grievous was as bad as Jar Jar Binks. I think they could have had something with that if they hadn't made him all wheezy and stuporous at the beginning, and if they'd used Gary Oldman's voice (as originally rumored, and yes, I'm enough of a geek to the point where I heard that rumor on both theforce.net and millenniumfalcon.com) instead of Mr. Scooby Doo Villian or whomever it was who ended up doing the voice." - A.M.

"I think SKELETOR did the GG voice. I'm pretty sure." - T.M.


additional bonus bonus point! - incessant sinister cackles of evil:

"And Palpatine Sith, or whoever, with that totally cliche cackling and laughing all through his fight with Yoda, and all of his other scenes. It's like he has a nervous disorder when a confrontation ensues, and so he laughs uncontrollably. (His Indian name? Cackles When Confronted.) Even whilst hanging by his fingernails from a Senatorial podium (the most un-safe Senate auditorium EVER, by the way!). I would expect all of this sinister laughing from Cobra Commander. But in a movie presumably geared towards those of us over the age of twelve? I mean, c'mon." - T.M.

Brunch with Telperion & Laurelin

i have decided to write in the direction of here, but you should know that i really really have better things to do.

i have spent the last several weeks settling into my new orlando life. and you should know that i'm pretty sure it's not for me. which is why, when i saw an open position for a wind turbine engineer in denmark, i ejaculated, then changed, then applied, then waited. but then noticed that it is only eight months of training in denmark (and scotland), and then living guess where?

yeah, right back in orlando, again.

but it sure would be shitt hott to live in denmark and scotland for eight months. if i am going to be treated indifferently by my civilization, i may as well do it amidst scenery and dialects that leave me stimulated and gentlyalienated and amazed.

but anyway i doubt any of that will happen.

as far as my apartment, i am getting to dislike the arrangement, so i have left the rest in disarray until such time as potential visitors become a reality. but i have cranked the a/c, so at least the 4-inch cockaroachers have disappeared. and also i have free cable, and i am already watching it too much, wasting my life away with south park and the history channel, trying to relate my situation with king william the second's, or leif erikkson's, or charlemagne, who needs no motherfucking apostrophe s, because he severed heaven from earth when he burned down irminsul.

something else about orlando is that it is full of hott extroverts who hold themselves in their highest regards. and they like to purchase new clothes and sunglasses. and this is good because i can get along with anyone, except that i seldom have a chance to if i am a closed book with a blank cover, which is a metaphor that means that i am not hott or talkative. and it also means that these people hate to read, because it is time better spent shopping.

journal, i should tell you that i got my car back last week, after too long apart, and you forget to remember the connection one has with their car, because they spend so much time together, and when you are sappy sentimental and have emotional problems you might get attached to your car despite of and because of its flaws, and when i was driving that truck you could tell i was not in synchronization with its spirit, because when lights would turn green at intersections, by head would swoop forwardinstinctively because it was expecting a forward acceleration which did not come quickly enough, because my weakling fucking foot didn't have the mustard it took to get that truck pedal ddown eeasy.

last night i walked past lake eola and onto the downtown strip and into this club that i've been to three times already, because they invite nice and good bands to play there, and also because i had already purchased a ticket, and my identification proved that i was of greater age than eighteen or twenty-one, and almost those numbers combined, minus eleven.

and last night pinback played, and i have silently adored pinback for many years now, and they are my new favorite example of the penultimate "lo-fi indie pop/rock band while wearing kind of unironic death metal tee shirts". rob crowe sported a napalm death nice-y, and then they played all of the hits, and you come to realize that all of the songs are hits. and all of the pinback guys have good manners and good humour and good humility, which is more than you can ask. thank goodness for pinback.

i have also been running two and three times around lake eola, either every day or every other day, after work, and i am able to do it because i have increased endurance because i have slowly been developing a directionless anger and a directionless libido. i think it has something to living a life more like a normal person.

next weekend, i will be getting lost in allegheny state park with a peer group who will accept me, no matter how much i vomit from the intoxication at hand. these things are things to venerate.

until then, may star wars redeem itself.

-tim.

Magnolia @ Central

I am in a library, because I have no internet access. This happens sometimes.

 

There was a note left at the computer I am using. It says "5-5-05 sitting across from you here at the library I have to tell you that I find you attractive!! I have been here in Orlando for 9 months today and am looking to meet a lady that looks like you! Could you email me Richard-----@----whatever."

 

It's in the air and sky and rain and clouds and bullshit between gasps we take.

 

My apartment is less full of boxes and clutter than it was yesterday. I slowly cut through it. This afternoon, my speakers sputtered back into activity. "Cassius Clay was hit more than Sonny Liston", they said.

 

It feels dumb to type long emails addressed to an electronic journal with people sitting two feet to either side of me and everyone outside walking inthe sprinkles on the way to becoming more buzzed, especially when I am paranoid about everyone looking at my shoulders or over them.

 

I am more hunched than ever. I will be a hunchback old person, like the lady in East Shelby I delivered medicine to. Who had seven cats. Or maybe it was West Shelby. How would I know? Shelby sucks.

 

I have a huge truck, because my car is in the shop this week. It is a massive Ford F-850, or something. I hate huge trucks. I knew this before driving a big truck. I accidentally run over curbs, shrubs and small children. I have no turning radius. I look down at the toll booth people. It is wrong.

 

I want my stupid unsexy littlemedium-sized car back.

 

Also, I guarantee that I am the only driver of the Ford F-series who shamelessly cranks the "We Have the Facts & We're Voting Yes!". (It has relevance again. Always in periods of major geographic shock...)

 

My cable did not get shut off yet. They attempted to discontinue my cable, but accidentally shut off my landlord's cable. Now I think that they have restored my landlord's cable, but my cable is still working. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will attain free cable at two apartments in a row.

 

I will waste my life away watching television as long as it is free.

 

I am living downtown. In the city. It is a good area for walking. Nice downtown residential areas and rural countrysides are good for walks. I refuse to live in places where I cannot take walks, even though I never take a walk. I do bicycle, though. I may do a lot of bicycling this weekend.

 

I might have a crush on a girl at work. If it turns out that I do, I think it will be my first in a decade or more. I will let you know, because I'm not sure yet. I might just be daring myself to be 2% friendlier to this person and say to myself that I am flirting, and I should go on with my bad self. I even established eye contact on the way out the door today. And smiled! I mean grinned! And not a scary stalker grin! A genuine grin!

 

I think that I am faking it all, though.

 

I feel like I should have a group of four to five friends, and that we should be going to a low-key bar to have a sandwich and a few drinks, and then one of them would find a sombrero and wear it as we walked down the sidewalk. His name would be Xavier, and we would all call him Zavvy for short, and he would be crazy all the time and yelling stuff at no one. And then there would be Ferdinand who would enjoy patting people on the shoulders and tapping their bellies with the back of his hand, to get their attention. And then there would be Will and he would have mod glasses and be smart and classy and idealistic, and there would be me, and I would be the pathetic one thinking up imaginary friends in a library on a Thursday evening.

 

Maybe I should get a book and actually read it.

 

But I am graduated, so I might be done with all of that.

 

Computer clusters like this remind me of college. I keep feeling around my chair with my feet to keep tabs on my backpack. I don't have a backpack.

 

I never came up with a fourth or fifth friend.

 

Today I was thinking that I would move back to my hometown if it were a different sort of town, with different sorts of people. Kind of like Ed, which is a television show that you might have seen, where a guy moves back to his hometown. It is a vanishing thought, because the hope for continuing redemptions is so neat, but not so tangible or filling.

 

I would eat a burrito. I would drink a beer. I would tap the ceramic tile in my apartment, and listen for voids. I would inspect for gaps around my closed doors and windows, where all of my conditioned air escapes, unfulfilled.

 

I would continue to unpack and throw away and minimize.

 

I am leaving this library, but I am keeping the card, just in case.